Divorcing Myself from Myself Ch. 02
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Note: This story is part of a small volume of stories that I have posted here previously. They will appear with different names as chapters (10 in all). I think these stories stand alone well, but they are meant to be read as part of a larger work entitled “Divorcing Myself From Myself.”
, is called “Sex in the Alley With Susie.” It was previously titled “Seeing Hammerbox.”
Thank you in advance for checking this out, and I’m looking forward to hearing what you all think.
Sex in the Alley With Susie
I saw Sarah for a couple more weeks after that, but then I stopped hearing from her. She had warned me not to expect anything, so I wasn’t too surprised when she stopped returning calls. I don’t care, though. I’m caring less and less about everything. It’s easy to do when you’re in a new city where you have no roots whatsoever, and no one knows you or anything about you. You can be whoever or whatever you want, and that’s what seems to be happening now.
Meanwhile, I found a place of my own on Bellevue Avenue on lower Capitol Hill. I can type pretty fast, so I keep money coming in doing temporary office work. I’ve also been writing a lot. Sometimes silly shit – dirty haikus about women I’ve seen throughout my day or attempts at poetry, and sometimes long rambling treatises about the human condition. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as I’m putting pen to paper, and I put pen to paper early and often, either until my hand falls off or I run out of ink. All of this happens as I’m drinking more and more as I divorce myself from myself.
It is against this backdrop that I met Susie Vik. Susie is a 24 year old woman who has this riot grrl thing going on that’s really popular in these parts. She has tattoos, particularly a dragon on her back, along with piercings through the right side of her nose, and her left eyebrow. She has frizzy blonde hair that she just dyed blue, and works at the Bon Marché in the women’s department, “selling bras and panties” as she puts it. She is loud, crass, speaks with a smokey voice, and drinks as hard as anyone I’ve ever known. She talks a mile a minute and has a bottomless appetite for life. She is only 5’1″ but takes over a room when she walks in. She often says she’s a “tough bitch,” and you better look out. She is unlike any woman I’ve ever experienced. We met at the Comet Tavern on a Friday night while I was sitting at the bar drinking and watching the baseball on TV. She bought me drinks, I bought her drinks, we talked, we laughed at each other’s jokes, and a powerful attraction was established. We became lovers. She has a girlfriend named Dawn, and made it clear to me that while they have an open door policy, Dawn the one who has her heart.
Susie, Dawn, and their friends Ian and Jamie stop by my sparsely furnished apartment one enchanted rainy evening to pre-drink and listen to rock before we were to head down to the okay Hotel to check out Hammerbox and a few other bands. As soon as she walks in, Susie goes straight into my room where I have racks and racks of tapes stacked up in boxes against the wall, and pulls out Fire of Love, by the Gun Club.
“I fucking LOVE this band. I’ve been jonesing to hear this one all day!” she says, handing me the tape.
So I go over to my little black Sony boom box sitting in the corner and slap it on. As the music begins, I noticed that Jamie is still in my room. He’s wearing a black turtleneck and biker jacket with black jeans and pointy black boots that zip up on the side. He also has a Depeche Mode haircut. He’s standing there, in my room, by himself looking at my tapes, and he looks up at me when I come back in and gives me that specific look and says, “Oh hi, I just wanted to see your tapes. What you have. You have a lot of tapes. A lot of great tapes, man.”
He smiles hopefully, which is annoying. The whole scene is annoying. Really annoying. Intrusive. Susie’s told me that he considers himself too evolved to be tied down to monogamous relationships because monogamy is not natural, and he’s often forward about sex as a result. That’s fine. It doesn’t bother me if he wants to float a trial balloon, but I’ve probably said six words to the guy in various situations before now, and he’s in my apartment, my bedroom? Sorry pal, not cool. You’re gonna have to at least ucuz escort ask me what my sign is before you go there. So I say, “Yeah, I do have a lot of tapes,” as I turn off the light and it takes more than a moment of him standing in the dark to realize that’s his cue to leave. He finally does, and he goes and sits down on one of the three folding chairs I set up whenever I’m entertaining guests. Now he turns his attention to Dawn, sitting real close to her while she sat on the end of the couch, telling her she “smells nice.” This guy’s as subtle as a chlamydia test. They go back and forth for a short while, and she holds her own. She’s much more soft spoken than Susie, and he’s ultimately a good guy, and they’ve been friends for awhile, but she keeps clenching her clutch box purse through Jamie’s attempts all the same. She finally gets away from him, moving to sit next to me on the couch, and he minds his own business after that.
Meanwhile, Susie is telling Ian, a quiet guy in a Carhartt jacket, about Dawn’s old roommate from a few months back, Sheila, who owes Dawn a shitload of money for food, rent, and utilities, but insisted she doesn’t have to pay because she was sick at the time. She even stole some of Dawn’s clothes. “If someone tried shit like that with me,” she says, “I’d kick her ass up and down Broadway! I mean, who the fuck does she think she is?”
“Well, I think my rent money was going up her nose. God! The whole thing makes me mad!” Dawn says, her brow knitted. “I was so stupid not to see this coming. I -“
“Babe, don’t flog yourself over this!” Susie interrupts, going over to sit next to her on the couch. “The bottom line is she ripped you off.”
“Yeah, but I just…” she pauses, “I didn’t have a job and was low on money, and I needed a roommate, and Stephanie (a mutual friend) knew her – they worked together – and said she seemed okay, and…well fuck, beggars can’t be choosers, you know? But I had no fucking idea she was anything like this. None! I didn’t see this coming!”
“I know you didn’t,” Susie says, clasping her hand between hers. “You had no reason to think she would do this, right? The fault is hers. No one else’s. Hers.”
“I knew she drank a lot when I moved in with her,” Dawn continues after a pause. “But she was otherwise normal. She had a job, paid her bills, and she minded her own business, and that’s all I cared about. Once I got a job, I started looking for my own place, so I figured I’d be out of there soon enough, and I didn’t pay attention to her. But I couldn’t find one, and I had to stay longer than I planned, and she started getting weird. I found out she – Oh my God – she lost her job! I found out after I left that she lost her job! She got fired! Stephanie told me she got fired! She didn’t say anything about it for the rest of the time I was there. About two months. She’d get up in the fucking morning and act like she was going to work…but she wasn’t going to work. I have no idea where she went, or what she was doing. And then she started going out drinking almost every night. Sometimes she didn’t come home at all, and when she did, she was all wired and wound up. And soon after that started, she dropped even the pretense of going to work and stopped paying her share of the bills. She just had one excuse after another,” she says. “She was always short money, and kept saying ‘Thanks for helping me out, I’ll get you next month,’ but there was this illness or that. This anxiety or that. She was always feeling depressed about one thing or another. There was always some excuse for not having any money. And then there was her kid – Supposedly, she had a kid! I found out about this alleged kid a few weeks after I moved in, but I’ll tell ya, I lived with her for eight months, I never saw any sign of any kid. Not even one picture.”
“She said the father – some guy name Rick, right?” Susie asks. “He’s down in-“
“He’s supposedly over in Bremerton, and she said it costs too much money to take the ferry over to see her kid. Really? It’s only like, what, six or seven bucks? You don’t have six or seven bucks to go see your kid?
“That’s some fucked up shit.” Ian says.
“Yeah!” says Susie.
“She made this kid up. She had to have!” said Dawn. “She needed money for her kid, and that’s why she kept asking for more time on the ümraniye escort rent, and then she just stopped asking.”
“So what did you end up doing?” I ask.
“I kept covering her until I finally found a place, and right before I found it, she went over to Bremerton – supposedly – and that’s the last I saw of her. She didn’t call or anything. She was just gone. Didn’t tell the landlord or me anything. I moved out at the end of the month. Thank God we were month to month!”
“Unbelievable!” says Ian.
“Tell me about it!” says Dawn. “What a fucking psycho bitch!”
“What she is is a cunt!” Susie interjects. Dawn started laughing. “Well, she is. A stupid, selfish, drug addicted, psycho cunt!”
“I’m not sure if-“Jamie tries to jump in before Susie cut him off.
“You know, I love that word. ‘Cunt.’ Cunty cunt CUNT!! People get so irate about that word like it’s as bad as ‘nigger,’ but it just describes what something is. And in this case, what someone is. Right?”
Everyone is taken aback by that. Even Dawn does a double take. Susie has a talent for dropping bombs like “the c word” into conversations when they’re least expected.
“Well, you’ve got Sheila down to a T,” Dawn replies, “but I don’t know about the rest of that.”
“It’s PC bullshit. Feminists who keep bemoaning that word ‘Oh my God!! that word’…can’t understand normal thinking,” she says, cracking up. “See what I did there?”
“I did,” says Dawn. “That’s why I love you, babe.”
“See ya next Tuesday, babe,” she says as she got up to give Dawn a kiss, and then drops to a knee to kiss her hand. “I’m a tough, loud mouth bitch, woman!”
“That’s another reason I love you, babe,” replies Dawn.
Time goes on, and the beer and booze keep pouring. Susie sits closer to me, taking my hand and squeezing it and sneaking small nibbles on my earlobes or licks on my neck as everyone talks and drinks, and the music plays loudly. She’s the wildest and most adventurous woman I’ve been with by far, and every time we’re together, there’s anticipation that something exciting and frenetic is going to happen. We’ll be in a different world at that point, transfixed in a new concupiscent universe. Alcohol is often involved. Drugs, too, but our adventures are enhanced by these things, not caused by them. I know she’s in love with Dawn, and I’m okay with that. I also know that Susie has personal baggage from having grown up in an abusive home in Montana and having been raped in high school. She told me about this when we first got together, and she keeps me separate from it for the most part. The truth is I’m looking for someone with whom to drink piña coladas. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I’m just wondering about what keeps finding me, and who keeps finding me since I began this long strange journey in Seattle a few months ago. My gut’s been telling me I should just jump in the river with her to see where it takes me. So that’s what I’ve been doing.
After a couple of hours, we head out into the steady rain down towards Pioneer Square and the OK Hotel. When we get there, the place is packed, but we get in without too much of a wait. The Treepeople have just started playing, and The Mono Men and Coffin Break are due to play before Hammerbox comes on. Susie keeps telling me how great Hammerbox is and she can’t wait for me to see them because “Carrie Akre has so much power,” she says. The earlier bands rock hard and people slam and mosh up front, running into each other at full speed and bouncing off whatever and whomever, sometimes acquiring a punch in the face along the way that may or may not have been accidental (one guy got clocked in the face and had blood running down his face from his nose, but that didn’t stop him from going back for more). As the show goes on, we get separated and get more beers and I talk and laugh with people I worked with at a security company just a few weeks earlier, and Susie and Dawn talk with some friends of theirs from the restaurant Dawn works at, and if we’re not doing that, we’re drinking and dancing and moshing and slamming, getting lost in the loud, violent spectacle of the music. Then Hammerbox comes on, and Susie fights her way to the front and is digging them big time, so I join her, and about halfway through the set, she becomes desirous. üniversiteli öğrenci escort She reaches down for my hand during one song and finds it, and we begin dancing close, even though the band is hardly playing slow numbers. We sway back and forth, and at this point, we’re having a little trouble maintaining our balance, and some moshers ran into us and come close to knocking both of us over a couple of times. She doesn’t care, and at one point comes around and looks into my eyes and smiles and gives me a hot wet kiss, her tongue poking around the environs of my mouth. After a moment, I kiss her back and pull her close and push my groin forward and I can hear her squeal above the din of the club, and then after looking at each other, we silently agree that we need to cut out.
We go out the back door into the alley, and even though the rain is coming down pretty good at this point, we start kissing fervidly. She pulls me forward so she can reach my earlobes and nibbles on them again slightly, then more strongly as she presses herself into my groin. We clutch and kissed each other while the rain pours down as if it might be the last time we ever see each other. She kisses me and bites my lips, pawing all over my chest. I look just beyond her and find the ledge of a nearby loading dock a few feet down, and I take her there. There’s was plenty of space between the edge of the dock and the big metal door pulled down, and I hoist her up and look into her bright blue eyes and soaking wet face, and she smiles. I pull off her boots, and then reach underneath her skirt and pull off her black tights, followed by her cutoff shorts, and then, finally, her navy blue lacy floral panties. She opens her legs and kicks them up, and I go to town on that warm and rainwater wet vulva. Susie is incredibly orgasmic, and this situation practically makes her non compos mentis. She doesn’t register at all that she’s laid out on a hard surface. I lick around the edges and slowly make my way toward the center of her pussy, flicking her clit with my tongue and making her cry out. She pulls at my long wet hair so hard some of it almost comes out, and I keep licking. She implores me to insert a finger, and then two, and after a minute or so of this, she says, “enough of your fingers, give me your cock!” So I step back, hop up on the ledge, lower my pants, and she climbs on. She rides me for about 45 seconds or so, and that’s all she needs before screaming out multiple times, it echoing off the walls of the alley. She crumples on top of me and, after a few soggy romantic moments, she gets off and slowly and steadily finishes me off with her hands and mouth, receiving my ejaculate to the last drop.
She catches her breath and stands up to put her clothes back on. Then we jump off the ledge, and she gives me one more long wet kiss.
“I’ll see you inside,” she says with a wink as zip up, and as she heads back in, I see a homeless guy out of the corner of my eye, lying on the ground in the rain about five feet or so from us with a 40 of 11-11 Malt Liquor in his hand. At first I think he might be out for the count, but then his eyes open and he’s looking at me, smiling, and then he starts laughing.
“You crazy son of a bitch! What the fuck?” he says as he guffaws and hacks, as he stands up, taking another swig from the 11-11, finishing it off and tossing the bottle away. I can’t help but laugh with him, even as he starts mumbling incoherently.
“Do you need anything?” I ask him.
“Nawww, don’t worry about me. Go! Don’t keep your lady waiting, know what I mean? You don’t wanna keep a girl like that waiting!” he says, and then starts laughing and hacking again. I reach into my wallet and gave him a 10 because that’s all I have left. “Thanks, brother, thank you kindly,” he says, taking the bill, and then he gets up and stumbles along the alley, around the corner, and out of sight.
I walked back inside, sopping wet. Hammerbox has finished playing, and they’re breaking down the stage. The crowd is thinning out. It will soon be closing time. I find Susie talking to Dawn, who looks at both of us and grins.
“Were you outside?” she asks, giggling.
“Yes,” replies Susie.
“Yes,” I echo. She looks at us both with a big smile on her face.
Jamie looks at both of us and is equally flabbergasted. Ian just shakes his head and laughs. “Unbelievable,” he mutters as he drains his glass.
Susie wants to go home, and Dawn wants to stay. So Susie gives her some money for a cab, and we got one of our own. We go back to my apartment, and resume the festivities, this time with a roof over our head and on an exquisite dry bed.
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